I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
