I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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