I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
