i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize