Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
