You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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