my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize