there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
