Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
