I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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