I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it hurts more in the daytime
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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