so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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