guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
