I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
