I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
