nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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