Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
