I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
