So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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