It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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