I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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