i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
