I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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