fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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