how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
