I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
