so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
