I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
