So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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