Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
