Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
