he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
