so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
