dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
