so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
