they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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