Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
