so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
