a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
