I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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