READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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