Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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