im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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