I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
