Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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