It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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