so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
