I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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