It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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