I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
