And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
