If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
