um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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