i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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