If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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