I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize