Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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