hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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