I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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