he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This is my gift to your gina
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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