Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
