I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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