Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
