im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
