she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
