I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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