I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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