Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize