If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well you can't waste a boner
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
