It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
