listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
