She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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