mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
